There is nothing you can do that can't be done!

I do not need Health Insurance. Excepting, that Health Insurance is a source of Comfort and Wealth to the Masters of said Enterprise and a Source of devious subsistence to the divers toilers in its Cause, no Person of this Earth needs Health Insurance. I need Medical Care. Had I funds sufficient to Indulge in Health Insurance, I would have Funds sufficient for obtaining Medicines and Medical Services directly.

 

An April Department of Homeland Security report warned that "a prolonged economic downturn—including real estate foreclosures, unemployment, and an inability to obtain credit. . . present unique drivers for rightwing radicalization and recruitment." Of course, the right wing, complicit in disinforming us about the true nature of the threat, cried foul. James Dobson, on Sean Hannity's program after the DHS report came out said:

There are no Timothy McVeighs out there right now. They're making a big deal out of something that hasn't happened and may not happen.

Well, the killers of (from left to right) 1) Stephen Tyrone Johns at the National Holocaust Museum, 2) Dr. George Tiller at the Reformation Lutheran Church, 3) Over 100,000 Iraqis, beg to differ! 

And those are just the examples that make it past the conservative media filter.

In some cases, right wing terrorists are literally following in McVeigh’s bootsteps. Take the person who torched the CANDLES Holocaust Museum in Terre Haute, Indiana: 

The museum was destroyed Nov. 18, 2003, when police say someone torched the small brick building and wrote "Remember Timmy McVeigh" on the side of the museum.

The woman who founded the museum, Auschwitz survivor Eve Mozes Kor, was interviewed about today's shooting at the National Holocaust Museum. She said something that is very true, and also, indirectly, a good indictment of much of what passes for political discourse in the media.

Holocaust Museum founder Eva Kor says the shooting shows that "when a person clings to hatred, it can only end in destruction."

"He's lovely, but not half as lovely as Ludmila of Bohemia."

ETHNIC PERIL TO OUR HIGHEST COURT

A special Friday minisermon by Rev. Cavendish

Friends:

Our Constitution is in peril. 

So much so that Newt Gingrich has written:

We need YOUR help to take this fight to Capitol Hill. Please consider supporting Renewing American Leadership with a generous donation today. $25, $50, or $100 will dramatically help us stand strong for the Rule of Law in America!

When such an ideologically pure man as Newt starts raising money, you know he must be sincerely worried about the fate of the Republic! What is threatening the "Rule of Law in America"? 

Well, the former Republican House speaker has gone on record opposing the nomination to the Supreme Court of Judge Sonia Sotomayor on the grounds that the following statement is racist:

I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experience would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life.

While I rarely disagree with Newt Gingrich, since he is a well-informed and widely-quoted wise man of Washington, in this case I make an exception. No, not because the remark was in the context of a discussion of discrimination cases, ones in which experience as a minority might well provide insight into the nature of discrimination to which a person in the majority, who has not experienced it, has less access. Rather, because the oft-married moralist has TAKEN HIS EYE OFF THE REAL THREAT TO OUR WAY OF LIFE.

By that I mean the VERY REAL POSSIBILITY that our High Court will be swept up in POLKA MADNESS!

Feast your eyes on what another ethnic Supreme Court nominee said about the importance of experience in his confirmation hearings:

I always insisted when I was a lawyer about getting out into the field and seeing. If I was arguing a case involving native villages in Alaska, I went to the villages. If I was arguing a case about an assembly line, I went to the assembly line. You had to see where the case was going to have its impact and what it's impression was going to be on people.

Oh, my. I suppose if you ever review Roe v. Wade, you'll get yourself "knocked up"? Sounds suspiciously like Sotomayor. 

Can you guess who said that?

I'll tell you. Roberts. John Roberts. Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

Are you afraid?

No, maybe not yet. Because Roberts sounds like an American name. But what would you say if I told you John Roberts was just passing for American?

Now are you afraid?

John Roberts’ mother was Rosemary Podrasky, and his great grandfather was Jacob Podrasky, an immigrant from Czechoslovakia. While Roberts is part English and part Irish, he is FULLY ONE HALF CZECH.

That’s right. Just wait until he gets a chance to decide a school prayer case. BAM! All American children forced to pray to craven images of Ludmila of Bohemia! 

Should children sing the national anthem? BAM! Yes: “Kde domov muj?” 

Bilingual education? BAM! Yes, Czech and Slovak! And Old Church Slavonic, if you want to get old school about it.

NOW are you afraid?

And Newt is worried about Latinas?

Was Marie Fikácková, who killed ten newborn babies a Latina? No. How about Olga Hepnarová, who intentionally drove a truck into a crowd of 25 people? I think not. Václav Mrázek? No. Petr Zelenka? No. No Latinas. All famous Czech mass murderers.

NOW ARE YOU AFRAID?

Write your congressman in Washington. Before you have to write to him in Prague!

Amen.

don't want the Mexican Flu
sure don't got any Mexican Flu
'Cause whenever you say the word MEXICAN
somebody's mad at you

can't have no flu that's Swine
just can't say that flu is Swine
'cause if people think you get Swine Flu from pigs
then pork they stop buyin'

got no use for H1N1
mighty lame name H1N1
'cause clearly announciating four distinct syllables in one name
just ain't American

pronouncin' H1N1 as Hun Nun is no good
callin' it the Hun Nun Flu just ain't any good
'cause when the Huns and the Nuns are all pissed at you
you know you're probably screwed


call it the Al Quaida Flu
Call it the Al Quiada Flu
for one thing they're already mad at us and for another you never know
when the AQ Flu will turn and kill you

The U S and A witnessed a great eruption of democracy recently, as protesters wielding bags of tea gathered together in groups large and small across this great nation, unified by their shared principles... bound together by their shared susceptibility to propaganda... marching along smartly behind a madly piping Joe the Plumber, blowing his drainpipe bassoon of doom. Yes, we all saw it on our televisions and our internets and marveled at our brave new world that has such people in, around, and on it.

However, all this brotherly and sisterly right wing oneness was marred somewhat by the giggling lefty chorus, who sang the haunting refrain from Kermit Muldoon's little known turn of the century Operetta, 'Of Tea, Bags, and Baggers! OH MY!'
Yes, Teabaggers. At first, the loving right wing throngs were confused.... some were heard to say, 'Why yes! We have teabags, which we brandish in order to illustrate the evils of taxation without representation, even though we have representation, but anyway, since we do this because we love our country then by all means... call us Teabaggers. Teabaggers for Freedom.'

Well, it all turned into an unfortunate misunderstanding. A kerfuffle, if you will. The phrase, "He said Teabagger... heh heh heh," was oft heard. A joyous day for America, during which a few Americans had planned to make a whole bunch of spurious and outrageous character based accusations against a bunch of their fellow Americans while the FoxNews cameras whirred and purred and the FoxNews anchors looked on and preened and simped -- well it was ruined, ruined I tell you! In the end, the main image people came away with from the whole shebang was that of a ballsack draped chin. Dark days, friends. These are dark days.

But you know, then I got to thinking.

What if, back in the day, when Rumsfeld and Cheney got together and decided that Enemy-Combatant-Al-Quaida-Type War-On-Terror-Radical-Islamist-Detainees-Who-Hate-Us-For-Our-Freedoms maybe should be waterboarded and then asked some tough questions..... well what if they were thinking of this?

Water. Boards. Waterboarding.

In your mind's ear, you might be hearing Dick Cheney saying something like, "Heck Yes, Rummy! That'll give them a taste of the freedom they so despise! Then they'll be putty in our hands, see? Putty!"

Hmm.

Nah. I'm pretty sure they meant the evil kind, you know, what with them being evil and all. Evil.

Still, If I were Rumsfeld's or Cheney's attorney, this is exactly what I would be doing. I would be creating the, "What? We thought it meant, you know, surfing..." defense.

Dark Days. Dark Days, Indeed.

Cowabunga, America.

When they came for the dopers
I remained silent - Because I’m not a junkie or a dirty hippy
When they went after the crack dealers
I approved – because I’m afraid of saggy pantsed gang bangers
When they renditioned Abu the goatherd
I paid the bill – because those ragheads just might be dangerous
When they rounded up the illegal aliens
I cheered – because I have blue eyes, I’m obviously American
When they tapped my phone, without any cause
Secretly searched my apartment, without any warrant
Demanded to see my identification papers, without any explanation
I did not care – because I thought I had nothing to hide
Now I fear...



I fear there is nowhere to hide.

Rising Hegemon points out a post titled: “Hmmm . . . At Immigration Center Site of Rampage, Aliens Taking Citizenship Test Didn’t Speak English”. In this callous screed, frequent New York Post columnist Debbie Schlussel has a Malkinesque moment:

But there’s an interesting piece of info that’s come out in the reporting and it may point to immigration fraud at the center. . . Too many people who don’t speak English game the system and get citizenship.

So fourteen people, including students, a receptionist, and a teacher, are brutally murdered, and the deeply compassionate Ms. Schlussel summons outrage about. . . the victims’ trying to gain citizenship without knowing enough English?

Never mind that subsequent reporting shows that they were actually taking classes to improve their English prior to taking citizenship tests, completely negating the validity of her thesis.

No, the real problem here is that more than a dozen people here were just killed in cold blood and the response is to baselessly accuse the victims of an unrelated issue. It is all about you, after all.

That said, here at IMF,S, we are never ones to miss a breaking trend. So, here are some other recent tragedies that Schlussel appears to have missed:

[February 13, 2009] The crew of the plane that crashed into a house near Buffalo on Thursday night discussed a “significant ice buildup” on the wings before an accident that killed all 49 people on board and one person on the ground.

There’s an interesting piece of info that’s come out in the reporting about the Buffalo plane crash. Apparently that house in Clarence Center, N.Y. was there because immigrants settled the area in 1823. Apparently Clarence Center was originally called Van Tines Corners. Typical of today's rampant immigration fraud, this bunch of Dutchmen have been “passing” as Clarence Center. So, you can see that it weren’t for those immigrants, the house wouldn't have been there, and the plane would have never hit it!

[March 6, 2009] The wife of Zimbabwe’s Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai has been killed in a car crash in which he was also slightly hurt, party officials say.

There’s an interesting piece of info that’s come out in the reporting about Susan Tsvangirai. The truck that crashed into her car was a Nissan. Is it any coincidence that another Japanese, Admiral Chuichi Nagumo, was designated by Emperor Hirohito to lead the attack on Pearl Harbor in a Japanese vehicle less than a century ago? Probably both Tsvangirai and Yamamoto would be alive today if those dashboard control labels had been written in English!

[March 18, 2009] Actress Natasha Richardson died Wednesday at age 45 after suffering a head injury during a beginners’ ski lesson.

There’s an interesting piece of info that’s come out in the reporting about Natasha Richardson’s ski accident, which illustrates the danger of even a bunny hill… if it is located in a bilingual country. Apparently all the signs at the “Mont” Tremblant ski resort in Quebec were in French and English, causing emergency personnel to take twice as long to read them, delaying crucial medical attention. If only more rich liberals understood how “English Only” saves lives, they'd be alive today! But, if they understood it, they wouldn't be liberals, would they?

"Pleasure and pain, happiness and misery, constitute the whole ultimate subject of moral enquiry. There is nothing desirable but the obtaining of the one and the avoiding of the other. All the researches of human imagination cannot add a single article to this summary of good."

The criterion of virtue is "the production of the greatest general good, the greatest public sum of pleasurable sensation."

But what of faith? Or willpower? Or self flagellation?

Or paying taxes?

Quotes: William Godwin

"Sir, there is a problem in the Foppingadreef division."

"Foppingadreef? What's that?"

"Uhh... let's just say it's... offshore."

"Hmm. OK. So what's the problem?"

"Well, sir, it seems the Foppingadreef folks paid some taxes... offshore."

"That's not a problem, is it? I'm sure it was a heck of a lot cheaper than paying taxes here!"

"Well, yeah, that's how it's supposed to work. But what happened was... there was a... clerical error stateside, and we didn't get the taxes we paid offshore off the books. It looks as though we ended up paying taxes on those taxes here at home."

"Taxes? On taxes?! That's unamerican!"

"We have the same problem with Lumagrove and Laperouse. Basically everything we wrung through Pinestead Holdings is all balled up on the tax end... and the worst of it is, the IRS is fighting us on it."

"[Sigh] OK. Here's what we do. The government just gave us a bunch of money, right?"

"Yeah."

"OK. What I want you to do is this: take some of that money... and sue the fuckers!!"

"Who now?"

"The government."

...

"To get back the money they owe us."

...

"There's a bonus in it for you if you can pull this off."

"OK, Sir. Yes, Sir. I'm on it!"

Not to be outdone by Waveland on a big news day like today, we at ILP,S! took to the streets to get our finger on the pulse of public opinion. The results follow.

Tell me sir, what do you make of Bernard Madoff pleading guilty today to orchestrating a $65 billion Ponzi scheme?

"So what? They should leave that poor man alone. He was only trying to get his."

Really? What an unconventional answer! What about the investors victimized in his 'crimes of greed?'

"Oh, please! Don't you know what 'justice' costs in this country? There's investigators and auditors, courts and prosecutors, and then there's the cost of incarceration. They said that man might get 150 years! It costs a lot to keep a man in prison 150 years!"

Wow. But some would say that's a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things.

"But it all adds up, doesn't it? This is our tax money we're talking about. Do we really want to subsidize the losers' investments? How many people want to pay for your neighbor's bad investment who took a hit on their portfolio and might have to retire at 55 instead of 50? Raise their hand!"

[At this point several people on-line nearby for a job fair two blocks away, whooped and booed raucously.]

"What about people like me who are playing by the rules, who can smell a too-good-to-be-true investment a mile away, and know enough to walk away from it? Why should a few dumb rubes gullible enough to be taken in by a frickin' Ponzi scheme, for goodness sake, seek their vengeance on my dime? Give me a break!"

So, what, do you think Madoff should get off scott free? Crimes have obviously been committed here.

"Madoff was one of those carrying water in The Greatest Accumulation of National Wealth In History Project, not just drinking it. This was a dude of unbridled imagination and vision. Like I said before, leave that poor man alone!"

Makes you wonder... what's our generation made of?

Edit: Now with extra Cratchitism!

You let me in and
I eat your brains.

"The dilemma we face is how do we obtain the energy that we need to grow our economy," worries the concerned businessman.

"The dilemma [we face] is how do we obtain the energy that we need to grow our econom[y] in a way that is not rapidly accelerating climate change," says someone who may-or-may-not-be the president of the united states, making the reasonable counterargument.

"The dilemma we face is how do we alter our economy so that it doesn't consume such obscene amounts of energy," posits a discordian thinker.

...

"BUAHAHAHAHAHA HEH! LOL/ROTFLMAO/WTF?!" guffaws the belly-laugh of bipartisanship.

Uncovered this today, which is somewhat analogous to much of our own Fafmissian wisdom:

"All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense."

From: PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA -or- How I Found Goddess And What I Did To Her When I Found Her THE MAGNUM OPIATE OF MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER Wherein Is Explained Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing About Absolutely Anything [Full text here.]

[Gratitude: Ahenobarbus]

The day’s preoccupation is with hearts,
For surely ‘twas St. Valentine’s desire
That, bristling with Cupid’s tiny darts,
Each heart be warmed in love’s rapacious fire.
Once pierced and cooked, if dart shafts still protrude
With loving hands it should be lightly scoured,
In chocolate and brandy fully stewed,
Then garlanded with ribbons, and beflowered.
And, if the heart yet beats, it must be soaked
For hours in a bucket of champagne
That done, it should be vigorously poked
To test its new capacity for pain.

(On all this St. Valentine would have insisted
If ever a Saint such as he had existed.)

Yes, Spot, I suppose there is some actual Science in Economics, probably I’m just not smart enough to understand it. But economic theory seems to spend a lot of time arguing about whether or not phlogiston moves through the luminiferous Ether in an inverse Laffer curve, so perhaps there is less there than meets the eye. One thing that’s obvious is that money in large quantities has the power to warp the minds of anybody in its vicinity. I suspect that wealth and power each curve reality by the square root cubed of the gradient of subjective difference. And so, together, they curve reality by the cube of the gradient difference. The epistemological theory of relativity explains why, when wealthy college alumni are going to donate money in large quantities to the University d’Elite, then the d’Elite Economics Department can explain how lying, cheating and stealing are ethical, inheritance is virtue, ruthless greed is noble and, most important, that it is, like, totally rational to believe that wealth is created by Spontaneous Generation, but only in the presence of wealthy alumni.

Well, Spot, when I asked Uncle George about that, he laughed and called it 'banker porn'. He said, "Where of you been, boy? Don't you know that a big chunk of the general population is so broke they have to sell their retirement funds for pennies - just to survive." "Yeah," I said, "the economy is, like, really really bad, so why...? Hunh HEY!" Uncle George had slapped me on the back of the head like he used to do whenever he thought I'd said something extra stupid. I still hate it and I said so, but he just sit there sipping on his Scotch and looking at me like he was disappointed about something. After a minute he sighed and said, "Bad for who? It's a GOOD rich man's economy, it's a buyers market economy, it's a get-anything-you-want-for-damn-near-free market economy. IF you are truly rich. The only thing that could make it better would be about a trillion dollars of other peoples money, and a nice fat tax refund, so you could buy up even more property while the prices are down. Look," he said, trying to slap me again, "a big chunk of the general population still has stuff to sell at bargain prices. If they all got good jobs and started feeling prosperous they'd quit selling their futures, now wouldn't they? The bargain basement economy would dry up - and The Only Ones That Matter do not want to see that happen!"
I just don't know, Spot, I suppose Uncle George is right. But, if this is what it's like when 5% of the people own 50% of the property, what's it going to be like when 2% of the population owns 90% of everything?

>btr3,
> what do you think of this list I found at Glenn Thrush's Blog
>Spot
>
>A list of programs cut (actually reduced proposed allocations) from the House/Obama bill by Senate negotiators, put together by a Republican leadership aide:
>
>$40 billion State Fiscal Stabilization
>$16 billion School Construction
>$1.25 billion project-based rental
>$2.25 Neighborhood Stabilization (Eliminate)
>$1.2 billion in Retrofiting Project 8 Housing
>$7.5 billion of State Incentive Grants
>$3.5 billion Higher Ed Construction (Eliminated)
>$100 million FSA modernization
>$50 million CSERES Research
>$65 million Watershed Rehab
>$30 million SD Salaries
>$100 million Distance Learning
>$98 million School Nutrition
>$50 million aquaculture
>$2 billion broadband
>$1 billion Head Start/Early Start
>$5.8 billion Health Prevention Activity.
>$2 billion HIT Grants
>$1 billion Energy Loan Guarantees
>$4.5 billion GSA
>$3.5 billion Federal Bldgs Greening
>$100 million NIST
>$100 million NOAA
>$100 million Law Enforcement Wireless
>$50 million Detention Trustee
>$25 million Marshalls Construction
>$100 million FBI Construction
>$300 million Federal Prisons
>$300 million BYRNE Formula
>$140 million BYRNE Competitive
>$10 million State and Local Law Enforcement
>$50 million NASA
>$50 million Aeronautics
>$50 million Exploration
>$50 million Cross Agency Support
>$200 million NSF
>$100 million Science
>$89 million GSA Operations
>$300 million Fed Hybrid Vehicles
>$50 million from DHS
>$200 million TSA
>$122 million for Coast Guard Cutters, modifies use
>$25 million Fish and Wildlife
>$55 million Historic Preservation
>$20 million working capital fund
>$200 million Superfund
>$165 million Forest Svc Capital Improvement
>$90 million State & Private Wildlife Fire Management
>$75 million Smithsonian
>$600 million Title I (NCLB)
>
>
>
>

New and Improved!

"You kids aren't in there watching commercials, are you?"

"Uhh... yeah."

"What did your mother and I tell you about watching the commercials?"

"That if they need commercials to sell it, it isn't worth buying."

"That's right kids, they're either selling you a price that's too high, or a need that isn't necessary, or a superiority that is superfluous."

"Whatever, Dad."

I know I said television advertisements should never be watched... but watch this and tell me you don't clench up with concern, Jeff-Goldblum-in-Jurassic-Park-level concern, for any woman in your life walking around with something this powerful in her pants:

I'm going to devote 2009 to Cratchitism and laying siege to Waveland.